Gary Smalley

Gary Smalley is a Promise Keepers Cult promoter and book seller.  He promotes Femi-Narcissism, selling books and seminars to church women, teaching them  to "discipline" their husbands and get what they want by setting demands that must be met in order not to be Divorced.  The criteria to be met is that the wife must be provided with "whatever will make her happy" and make her "want to stay married".  Of course this is a disastrous basis for any relationship.  It defines the ground rules of  relationship with a woman to be one of a Servant to a Narcissist or worse.

Smalley along with many of the James Dobson crew teach that a woman is a "Responder" and a man is an "Initiator". By this they mean that even when a woman "responds" by screaming, throwing things around or hitting her husband she is is not responsible for her behavior because it was the husband that "initiated" her "Response". 

Some Promise Keepers Churches (and we guess it is many) will even tell you that when your wife is off in an Adulterous relationship she cannot be faulted because her adultery is not an indication of her moral failure, but an indication of YOUR FAILURE to sufficiently provide her "EMOTIONAL NEEDS" and "LOVE HER SACRIFICIALLY" in the home so that she "wouldn't want to" seek outside the home to have her "needs" met.

Whereas a misbehaving woman may be attracted to Smalley's doctrines of "Initiator & Responder" to excuse herself, believing the his doctrines will do severe damage to her as a Person.  Think about it.  Smalley teaches her to believe she is a creature that is by nature driven by emotions and feelings, and that by being the "weaker vessel" she is without the higher brain functions of  self regulation and therefore without moral culpability for her own misbehavior.   We think believing Smalley's doctrines is sufficient to create a condition of Learnt Narcissism in these "Women of Faith".

On discovery of the much encouraged "Trial Separation" for "Counseling", husbands are also told by Smalley, Dobson, and many others that on penalty of loosing their marriages they must comply not only with the new Narcissism of their wives, but also commit to comply with the  requirements of their "Spiritual Authority" the local Promise Keepers "Leader" and a "Mentor". 

For your own good, of course, the details of your life will be discussed with increasing ranks of the Promise Keepers hierarchy as required in order to help you overcome "your problem".  This writer sees this as a reinstitution of The Confessional. 

A suffering Promise Keeper told us that  there are only the two objectives  in "PKs".  They are:

1) Submission to the Spiritual Authority ("Tithing" & "Giving" your "Time, Talent, and Treasure"  and

2) No "Impurity" which means in practical terms, no masturbation, which PKs say is "self worship", constitutes Adultery, and is grounds for Divorce. 

This seems to be verified by this writers' observations and by many other PKs who are highly supportive of such teachings and the disciplinary actions taken when 1 & 2 are not obeyed..  Witness the Purpose Driven Church of an even more malicious cult leader in Rick Warren. 

To help you with your "Purity" goals, PKs set up "Accountability Groups" during which you are expected to talk about your masturbation experiences in the past,  how long it's been since you last masturbated, and how you are doing so you won't masturbate, etc..  He reported that he was having a terrible time with sexual arousal during his  Promise Keeper meetings, and he was now thinking he may be a Homosexual.  He believed others in the meetings were having the same problem.

BTW these PK teachings are NOT be supported by the Bible.  "Onanism", as they call it, had nothing to do with masturbation.  It was about Onan defeating the intent of the Law, and his stealing the Inheritance of his brother's widow.

"If only he knew", quotations from Gary Smalley

In “If Only he knew”, Smalley says the following:

“She resisted the idea that I could trace their broken relationship to her husband’s failure. ‘

0h, this is ridiculous. Everyone knows it's a fifty - fifty deal. I'm just as much responsible as he was,’ she argued.

'Well, I'm looking for my first exception <Smalley says>. I would certainly appreciate it if you would explain to me where you were wrong in the relationship," I told her. An hour later, she realized that if her husband had treated her differently, she would have RESPONDED much differently during those years. We traced everything he had accused her of to his failure to love her.” ….

(Gary Smalley, p79 - 80)

“Our goal as husbands should be to adjust our behavior so our wives won't have to react in anger.”

(Gary Smalley, p70)

Naturally, since in Smalley's eyes the husbands are ALWAYS at fault for disharmony in the home,  recommends husbands adopt the following obeisance before their faultless wives,

"How do you put up with me? How do you live with me? You deserve the medal of honor for staying with me. You deserve the purple heart. Your are an amazing woman to live with such an insensitive man……. 'How do you put up with such a crumb like me, as insensitive as I am?’”

Smalley does like to grind away at the "Men are such beasts" themes. 

“We sat down at the kitchen table and started going through each item. It took only ten minutes for us to figure out that every time she had been disrespectful to me I had I had either got out of bed grouchy or been critical of her most of the day. I hadn’t earned her respect. It was amazing. All three things I had felt she should change were a direct result of my failure to love her in a genuine way.” (p 76)

“IF A COUPLE HAS BEEN MARRIED FOR MORE THAN FIVE YEARS, ANY PERSISTENT DISHARMONY IN THEIR MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IS USUALLY ATTRIBUTABLE TO THE HUSBAND'S LACK OF GENUINE LOVE”.

"I am not suggesting that the husband is solely responsible for all disharmony in marriage. Some day-to-day conflicts may be the result of his wife's physical exhaustion, health problems, over extended schedules, etc. On any given day, she may respond negatively to her husband due to a headache, a disturbing phone call from her father, or any number of other temporary upsets. Certainly, the husband is not to blame for these occasional problems. However, I have found that after five years of marriage, A husband can eliminate prolonged disharmony in his marriage by knowing his wife's needs and meeting them on a consistent basis."

"I know of at least three types of men who resist accepting this concept: 1. A man whose wife has left him. He would have to admit the failure of the marriage was his fault, and that admission is almost too much to ask of him.”

(p 74 - 75)

“Wives are often accused of being strong-willed, and rebellious' when in reality, they’re simply responding to their husbands' thoughtless abuses. …... He had already gone too far - he had offended her too often and too severely - so her spirit completely shut him out of her life.”

(p 72)

Gary Smalley's companion book for women  “For Better or Best” is philosophically identical.

Smalley's Mentors:  Bill Gothard & Henry Brandt

Smalley says he became involved in his "Ministry" through his employment at Bill Gothard Ministries' in the 1980's.  There it seems he learned Gothard's cultish doctrines of authoritarian "Mentorship" and submission to "Spiritual' Authority"   

Smalley also attributes his work to his "Mentor" Henry Brandt, who wrongly teaches "Anger is a Sin".

“It’s always great to hear from Dr. Brandt, the man who directed me into what I’m doing today. The advice he gave me years ago still has a daily effect on what I do. His insight was enough to give me a gift I will carry with me for the rest of my life.”

Cover, When you’re tired

Smalley was in those days like many of us on the cusp of loosing his marriage.  Somehow, he decided to take the required position that he must become the Family Scapegoat, and never include his wife in any failure or problem if he wanted to stay married.  He did so, "saved" his marriage and began writing his books preaching that this constitutes a "good marriage".  Sales into the Church market were swift..

In his books and his same-sex Seminars, Smalley   teaches women and men separately,  Like the Bill Gothard Seminars, before attending a Seminar, Smalley's Disciples are required to commit to secrecy  and forbidden from telling the other sex what went on at their same-sex Seminars.  This also is a characteristic of a Cult. 

The theme we consistently find when we look at both the "His" and "Hers" books Smalley writes is that men are to submit to Smalley's Family Scapegoat model while women are to make their "feelings" clear, and demand the husband commit to keeping her "feelings" his top priority if his marriage is to continue.  We describe Smalley's model for women as that of the Family Narcissist, or very often,  the family Sadist.

Add to this Brandt's anti-Biblical doctrine that "Anger is a Sin"  and that a "Godly Woman" will not tolerate being around "sin" and you have a recipe for lots of Emotional Battery and sadistic Anthropophagia..

To the Smalley's and Brandts of the world, you can confront their Lies with, "Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath", Jas 1:19, and

"Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath", Eph 4:26 and to PK's claim to "Spiritual Authority" and Tithing we say "No man can serve two masters", Mat 6:24 and recall the warnings about "Leadership" and "Tithing" in Israel demands a King  found in 1 Samuel 8

I Promise You Forever - Dr.<unearned> Gary Smalley

I Promise You Forever - Dr. Gary Smalley 1/3

I Promise You Forever - Dr. Gary Smalley 2/3

I Promise You Forever - Dr. Gary Smalley 3/3

Rick Warren, Peter Drucker, Purpose Driven Church

Peter Drucker / Rick Warren /  Purpose Driven, 2000s

Peter Drucker / Rick Warren / Purpose Driven, - Google Search

Basically a reconstruction and extension of the Promise Keepers.  Building on the Gothard's & Promise Keeper's doctrines of "Spiritual' Authority", Purpose Driven added the doctrine that Church members interfering with the "God's Purpose", (that is the Pastor's Purpose) are to be marginalized and eliminated from the Community.  Secret "Pastor's Conferences" provided to teach how to take over the assets of existing churches, convert them to the Peter Drucker (Warren's "Mentor") model of greatest utility,  and eliminate Dissenters.  No refunds on Tithes.

The Purpose Driven methods are Peter Drucker version of Eugenics applied in a Church context..    The objective is to accomplish what Promise Keepers failed to do (build a Global Church by the Year 2000) and bring about "World Peace". 

While applying Drucker's principles in a Corporate setting, it IS a responsibility of .management to protect the interests of the Stockholders, in a Church Setting Dricker's applicaton of Eugenics in the a Church Community is the Anti-Thesis of a Biblical Church. In Church, there is no payroll for which Utility can be Maximized (except the pastors), and Warren's  "Workers"  ARE the Share-holders.  The Maximum Utility of course will be achieved by eliminating completely the paid Pastors, and the building programs Purpose Driven Church (PDC) pastors require of a Christian community. 

Promise Keepers, 1990s

A Counter-Reformation "movement" in North American evangelical churches. 

Denominations are BAD.  Global Unity is good.  PKs will rectify Denominational Disunity by bringing all Churches under a single Authority, a "Unity of Command" <shiver!!!> by the Year 2000.  Church members have to learn to live under the "Spiritual' Authority" of the Pastors at PK Conferences, while Pastors  have to learn to live under the Authority of the united "Command" at the PK Pastor's Conferences. Promise Keepers Cult;   promise keepers - Google Search

Bill Gothard Ministries, 1980s

The fact that someone is the "Leader" designates them as "Gods" authority over your life.  Your religions duty as a Christian is to Submit to their "Spiritual' Authority".  If you disobey God's Authorities over your life, you will loose God's "Umbrella of Protection" and be punished by Evil of the World.

bill gothard - Google Search

Gary Smalley

Bill Gothard Mentee, Feminarcissist & Counter-Reformer with an unearned PhD

Gary Smalley - Google Search;
Gary Smalley - Google Video 

“Our goal as husbands should be to adjust our behavior so our wives won't have to react in anger.”

“IF A COUPLE HAS BEEN MARRIED FOR MORE THAN FIVE YEARS, ANY PERSISTENT DISHARMONY IN THEIR MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IS USUALLY ATTRIBUTABLE TO THE HUSBAND'S LACK OF GENUINE LOVE”.

More:  News:  Smalley, Gary: Bill Gothard Mentee, Feminarcissist & Counter-Reformer;
News:  Bill Gothard: Counter Reformer;
Bill McCartney:  Globalist Counter-Reformer, Promise Keepers Cult;
News:  Rick Warren: Globalist Counter-Reformer, "Purpose Driven Cult"

Bill Gothard & "Basic Youth Conflicts" Cult AKA "Basic Life Principles"

"Chain of Command" hierarchy of "Spiritual Authority", Counter Reformer, Mentor of Gary Smalley

Bill Gothard - Google Search;
Bill Gothard - Google Video

"You must not tell your family what we talked about here at BYC seminars, or let anyone but our Alumni see our printed materials"

"The reason why Families are failing is because men have failed to assume God's role of Spiritual Leadership in their Families"

"Former" Roman Catholic, Bill Gothard's teachings are still being taught as "Biblical" by his Mentee Gary Smalley at Smalley's Promise Keepers and Women of Faith conferences where men and women-  no matter what their age - are still being separated and indoctrinated separately. Gothard has never married, but is a self-professed "Family & Relationships Expert"

Gothard's book Institute in Basic Youth Conflicts : Research in Principles of Life after thirty years of official secrecy is available for sale from time to time in the after-market by some who forgot their Oaths at the IBLP conferences.

Cult characteristics - Google Search;
Counter-Reformation - Google Search 

More:  News:  Bill Gothard: Counter Reformer;
Bill McCartney:  Globalist Counter-Reformer, Promise Keepers Cult;
News:  Rick Warren: Globalist Counter-Reformer, "Purpose Driven Cult"

James Dobson's "Focus on the Family"

Feminarcissists &
Counter-Reformers

"Biblical Forgiveness requires Victims Forgive unrepentant Perpetrators" <a LIE!!>

"If a man will not submit the the Spiritual Authority God has placed over him - thePastor -, his wife should leave him to break his heart and hold his feet to the fire until he becomes Teachable and Accountable to the Pastor."

Promise Keepers - Google Search
Cult characteristics - Google Search;
Counter-Reformation - Google Search 

More:  News:  James Dobson:  Counter-Reformer;
Bill McCartney:  Globalist Counter-Reformer, Promise Keepers Cult;
Bill McCartney:  Globalist Counter-Reformer;
News:  Rick Warren: Globalist Counter-Reformer, "Purpose Driven Cult"

"Stockholm Syndrome" Paradigm Shift, SSPS

"SSPS" creates a "Victim-Perpetrator" in severe cases of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

"If you can't BEAT THEM,
you gotta JOIN THEM"

Sole Custody imposed on a high conflict divorce commonly results in children with SSPS.  It may be called "Parental Alienation Syndrome, PAS"

Gary Smalley's "Blame the Victim" theology seeks to ensnare husbands with SSPS.

Stockholm Syndrome Paradigm Shift - Google Search;
"Stockholm Syndrome" Paradigm Shift - Google Video

TWA Flight 847 - Google Search;
TWA Flight 847 - Google Video 

More:  Issues:  "Stockholm Syndrome" Paradigm Shift creates a "Victim-Perpetrator";
News:  Camp Fyrefly:  Sexual Deviants "mentoring" minor children
Issues:  Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD;
Issues:  Legal Abuse Syndrome;
Issues:  Affirmative Action;
News:  Smalley, Gary: Bill Gothard Mentee, Feminarcissist & Counter-Reformer
Issues:  Debtors' Prison Reinstituted;
Issues:  Passports Removed to Appease Femi-Nazis;
Issues:  Driver's Licenses removed to appease "Femi-Nazis";
Issues:  Imputed income;
Issues:  Child Support Fraud;